What is it like to experience sleep paralysis?

I got back from hospital and as usual was about to go for an afternoon nap. I envy those who can fall asleep in minutes, but for me, it's an elusive dream. I struggle to driff off to my dreamland. So recently I've found a hack for it. I open youtube, play the sleep asmr videos, put on my earbuds and just lie down.

Downright scary.

It's funny, because I don't usually talk to my parents about my life. We're not super close, and there's a big age gap between us. But despite that, I love them dearly.

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I felt a sudden jolt of fear. I was scared as shit. I wanted to move. The fear was so intense that I was out of the dream now. But the eyes,damn! They won't open. As if they were stuck by a glue. My hands were stuck around my neck and it felt like a noose. I was sweating and wanted to move, but I was frozen. My hand started paining. I was sleep paralysed for the very first time in my life.

Intuitions, they are there for a reason, it says.

I had a terrifying dream that has left me shaken. A mishappening that one of my close family member has passed away. It was as if someone is giving me dire warnings for the next few days to come. As if a mysterious force is guiding me into future. As if some strange energy is screaming at me to start believing my intuitions. To pay attention, to trust my instincts, and to take immediate action.

How do I get my body in shape?

Mend your heart, your emotional wounds and reach out to your family, it says.

The experience has lingered, prompting me to reevaluate my connections and heed the warning signs from my subconscious.

Today I did the same and within minutes I went into deep sleep. Now what woke me up was very strange. And It had happened for the very first time.

Should I have left it alone and kept quiet? I came out as gay to my adult kids last week. Age 61 married 15 years, divorced for 20. I feel so guilty for ruining their lives by living a lie.